Our Thankful Jar: Learning the Attitude of Gratitude
By Shaun & Genette Shuler
“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:18 NLT
It is easy to read uplifting scripture like this, but what does it look like when it’s applied to our lives?
For years I have been a professional complainer when things don’t go exactly my way and, in my case, it is an issue of PRIDE.
So, in 2015, my wife Genette and I decided to create a Gripe Jar. Every time we griped or complained about something, we had to put $1.00 in the jar. I remember days when I would get home from work and I would put a $20.00 bill in the jar just so I can unleash gripes and complaints from a bad day at work.
At the end of the first year, we contemplated what we should do about the money in the jar. We decided against using it for a vacation because it was like rewarding ourselves for griping. After prayerful consideration, we gave the money away; one time to a patient Genette had who had no insurance and was trying to get home to Mexico and the other time we decided to use it to support outreach and missions.
Although the money from the jar went to a good cause, the purpose was to remind ourselves of this negative behavior and hope to change that pattern so we would gripe less. Despite its good intentions it didn’t really work because we still complained and griped about anything and anyone.
Our behaviors a lot of times are a result what we think about, what we dwell on throughout the day. So in order to change a behavior, we needed to change our thoughts.
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”
Romans 12:2 NLT
The Gripe Jar seemed like a good plan but unintentionally we focused on the griping more by doing this.
From the gripe jar, a new idea was born. On New Year’s Day 2017, we started a Thankful Jar. How it works is that we would write on colored sticky notes (blue for her and green for me), things we are thankful for. It could be for good health, reliable cars, an unexpected blessing, our friends, family, stable job, something thoughtful one of us would do for the other, etc. It is being thankful for the every day blessings we tend to take for granted.
There’s many benefits to being intentionally thankful, but one of the biggest is it’s an act of humility. When we come before God and thank Him for the small and the big things that He has given us, we aren’t thinking of our accomplishments but acknowledging His goodness.
Looking back to 1 Thessalonians 5:18 it says, Be thankful in ALL circumstances..., ALL meaning good times and bad. It is easy to be thankful when things are good, but how can we be thankful when we are going through a bad time? Since we started the Thankful Jar, we’ve had a lot of negative circumstances come up. However, at the end of each year, as we go back and read the notes in the jar, we realize we have so many things to be thankful for.
I was able to put this article together with the help and insight from my wife through excerpts from her previous notes and social media posts.
I want to share with you the last three years in doing this Thankful Jar, and perhaps you will find this to be something you would want to try as well.
Thankful Jar 2017
We bought our first house at the end of 2016. Soon after the purchase, we uncovered a lot of termite damage that was not visible during inspection. So, the first half of 2017 was spent repairing and renovating the supposed “move-in ready” house. We ended up paying rent and a mortgage for six months until we officially moved in May 2017.
Then August came and with-it Hurricane Harvey, and our house, which is NOT in a flood zone, flooded. 3 months into living in the house came more repairs, and what seemed like a never-ending battle to live in our beloved home.
We also had issues with sicknesses with family, difficulties and failures for me on the job, and a list of other issues. Yet, when the end of the year came and we opened up our Thankful Jar, it was still full of things we were grateful for throughout the year.
My wife said it this way,
“Yes, we have troubles, but this is a good reminder that there is always, ALWAYS, something to be thankful for if we go through life with a grateful heart. Without difficulties, we will never understand the value of what we have now - people and relationships we easily take for granted. We have unfulfilled dreams, prayers not answered the way we hoped for, unrestored relationships - but the story is not yet over. As long as we have breath, there is hope, and God's arm is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear (Isaiah 59:1). I am ready to leave 2017 behind, but still with mixed emotions on upcoming 2018. But God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and of sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). And despite my faltering faith, God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. So, in my baby little steps and small voice, I say, here I am Lord, send me.”
“Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever.”
Psalms 107:1 NIV
Thankful Jar 2018
2018 was a year defined by heartache and fear. September 17, I received a heart wrenching phone call from my mom in which I could barely understand what she was saying. She came home and found her husband of 30 years, and my dad, passed away. His health had been an issue for years, but one can truly never truly be prepared for that phone call.
He was always full of advice, whether I wanted to hear it or not, always a joy to hang out with watching football or picking on mom together. We weren’t initially close when they got married, mostly because of my selfishness and lack of maturity. However, as time passed, I am thankful I was eventually able to show my dad how much I loved and appreciated him by asking him to be my best man in 2011.
2018 was also the year we decided and became certified to foster and adopt. We received our 1st placement on October 26, which was exciting and scary but was told that a relative was in the picture and may end up getting him back. It was a lot of fear and worry, but mixed with love and joy for this beautiful little buddy.
January 1, 2019, while at work, I got a call from my wife, who was upset after getting off the phone from the social worker telling her that the baby we have will transition back to a relative in 2 weeks. We were devastated. Not because we didn’t expect this could happen, but, would we ever see him again? Would he ever know that for 3 months we fell madly in love with him?
Oh, and this was also the night we were supposed to open our Thankful Jar.
As my wife put it,
“Despite a painful death in the family, our jar was full of things to be thankful for in 2018. Until the dreaded call on New Year's Night. The day of supposed new beginnings came to us with a very painful goodbye. The happy baby entrusted in our care for almost 3 months would soon move on to the next part of his journey. It is pain inconceivable as much as the love we have for him is indescribable. I placed the jar back because in no way will I be in a thankful mood.”
“At that low point, GOD prodded my aching heart with a word He's impressed in me for 2019. CONSISTENT. And like a flash it hit me with 2 meanings. First, to remind me of GOD's nature: CONSTANT, UNCHANGING, RELIABLE, FAITHFUL and DEPENDABLE. The system may fail, people may hurt me, but He never will. Secondly, to teach me how to act in accordance to His will - To be joyful ALWAYS, pray UNCEASINGLY, acknowledge Him in ALL WAYS, NEVER GROW WEARY of doing good, and be STEADFAST in faith.”
“It's hard to see the plan when in pain. It's hard to see the future when stuck in today's hurt and it's hard to trust when you're unable to let go of being in control. Driving was hard today. Whether it's the rain on my windshield or tears from my eyes - I'll never know. But the tears will dry, the pain will heal, the heart won't forget for the loss is real. It's easy to be thankful and give GOD the glory when things are great and all is well - but in the midst of heartbreak, to say that GOD is good with #blessed is hard to fathom. Still, I will choose to praise GOD in this storm. I will choose to say It Is Well With My Soul and believe GOD's goodness is not based on what I do but by who He is; to put my trust in the gift giver and not the gifts; that my joy is based on eternal glory and not my circumstances. Will all the stuff we wrote in 2018 be invalid because we're in pain? Of course not! Will I still hurt? Yes. Will I still cry? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, we'll be ok. He'll restore our hearts and turn our Ashes Into Beauty & give us peace that surpasses all understanding.”
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
James 1:17 NIV
Thankful Jar 2019
Earlier, I mentioned, 2019 began with heartbreaking news that our 1st baby was going to be leaving us. We fell in love with this little bundle of joy, and we didn’t want our bond to end.
His last night with us, as I laid on the floor sobbing next to his crib, he stuck his little hand between the rails to hold my hand. Even now as I write this, I’m having to wipe the tears from my eyes because it was so painful and I was so scared. January 16th, the morning I dreaded with all my heart came and we took our final pictures as we wiped away tears, and brought him to the DCFS office where we would make the transition. It was the longest 1-hour drive of my life. I’ve always made it a point to keep my emotions in check, however, I cried so much at that time, my sunglasses couldn’t cover the tears. I thought to myself, how am I going to be thankful for anything this year with such a painful hole in my heart?
Then GOD, in all His goodness, stepped in. His family saw how distraught we were, all of our snot and tears, but most importantly how much love we had for him, and how attached he was to us and vice versa. Only by the unbelievable grace of GOD, the grandma made the decision to let us stay a part of his life, and he gets to stay with us at least 2 weekends a month. I was reminded here that GOD has plans that at times seem scary and horrible at first, but if we trust Him, He will show up and show off His great love for us.
A week later, we received our 2nd placement, a 5-month-old little girl. Then within 2 months, we had our hearts ripped out again as the court ordered her back to the parents that same day. We were so blindsided by this decision and didn’t have much time to say goodbye. We tried to keep in touch for the baby’s sake, but soon there was no more contact. There was not a day we didn’t pray for the baby’s safety and protection.
Also, at this time we experienced another flood in our home, needless to say, it was a trying time for us. I remember a few weeks later writing on one of my thankful notes, simply thanking GOD for the baby girl’s return. This was an act of faith knowing that miracles can happen just as He worked it out with our first baby boy. I was hopeful, but still scared.
We didn’t hear anything for weeks, then in May, I got a call from DCFS and I was asked if we wanted our “baby girl” back, and I could not contain my tears knowing she was safe. At this point, we have had her most of her life and nothing has been determined with her case, but we trust that GOD is in control.
When reading our thankful notes on 1-1-2020, my wife wrote,
“Despite going through some of our most painful times in 2019, GOD has shown Himself faithful. And it is amazing to have reminders of His goodness.”
“In our narcissistic and broken world, it’s so easy to overlook the times GOD has come through for us. It’s easier to hold on to defeat than the victories and the blessings we never even asked for yet received.”
“As I put aside some of my favorite notes from Shaun, it was interesting that one of the things he was thankful for was something he hasn’t received yet but believed for. And it was a good reminder for me about faith. I am someone who is scared to hope and cautious to ask for the fear of failing and possible rejection. But the beauty of marriage is complementing each other, and where I lack, he is strong and vice versa. A simple thankful note brought me back to the importance of faith.”
“This year, we are hopeful and going in with expectant hearts. To be intentional with our thoughts and actions. To share and build our lives with people that can help us grow as well - knowing there are no lone ranger Christians. Develop meaningful relationships and know letting go and moving on from others is ok too. We have been so content in our little cocoon that we have taken for granted the importance of having people in our corner. The difficulties we’ve had in 2019 made us realize who these people were.”
“One day at a time. A lot to be torn down (relationally, emotionally, spiritually) to start building up. Progress and not perfection. Keeping an attitude of gratitude knowing the best is yet to come.”
So you see, we have had a lot of moments of pain and frustration, of heartache and fear, but at the end of it all, we still had a full jar of things we both were thankful for no matter the hard circumstances. I believe this is what 1 Thessalonians 5:18 looks like in a practical way:
“Be thankful in all circumstances…”
Maybe it’s time for you to start a new outlook - to have an attitude of gratitude. Big or small – be thankful. Begin a Thankful Jar and count your blessings. It’s never too late to start.
Thank you for visiting and please leave any comments, questions, prayer requests, or ideas for new topics you’d like for me to discuss in the comment box below.
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